Haveuseenmysanity's Blog

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In fact…this is not a fluke. This hurts. July 9, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — haveuseenmysanity @ 9:15am07

Exactly one year ago today….

I was lying on a table in a  “specialists” office….located directly above an abortion clinic. Ok. “THEY” like to call it a “Family Planning” facility but …whatever. I’d like to know whose sick joke it is/was to put a genetic specialists office DIRECTLY above an abortion clinic….and then I’d like to beat the crap out of them!

I am lying on this table while a nurse does an ultrasound. Now….the day before THIS ultrasound, I went in for another ultrasound and they informed my husband and I that our son would, in fact, die. ( Really? Don’t sugar coat it on our account…we didn’t have a life planned with this child or anything!)  They have a HUGE flat screen television on the opposite wall…( So you can CLEARLY see that your child is, in fact, DEAD.) Because GOD knows that I couldn’t and didn’t see that the first time around, right? Because I didn’t HAPPEN to notice that my son was no longer using my ribs and bladder as a soccer ball.   They conduct all of their ridiculously retarded tests. Then they lead my husband and I into a room so we can talk to a counselor. ( Yeah. Thats. SO. Going. To. Help. Us. Right. Now.)

Counselor walks in and goes through her “salesman pitch”. Yada. Yada. Yada. “Not your fault”. ” This is a fluke”. “Nothing you could have done”. Gives us a business card with a bunch of online support groups and exits the room.

My husband and I sit there.Alone. Numb. What the hell just happened? We leave.

One year ago my heart was ripped from my chest.

One year ago I lost a piece of my soul.

One year ago……

Please tell me the pain stops. Please tell me the “what if’s” and the ” He would be’s” stop. Please tell me this gets easier. Please tell me my son was not a fluke.

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One Response to “In fact…this is not a fluke. This hurts.”

  1. insertwittytitleheremomstired Says:

    A fluke? Wow, thanks. That really makes you feel better. Your child, whom you love with all your heart, just happened to be a fluke. I can only imagine the pain you’re still going through. I hope your blog will make the journey a little more bearable.


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