Crazy #5 was due to come by C-section on June 5th. However, he had ideas of his own . I went into labor on May 20th. And at 10:06pm Crazy #5 came into our world; weighing a whopping 5lbs 13 ozs.
I was terrifed this time around. Not of the needles. Not of the doctors or the nurses in their plastic-guard masks. Not even of the painful recovery that I knew was ahead of me. I was terrifed, still, to allow myself to believe I would get to bring this little guy home. Ever since Ethan passed away….well. I lost a part of my heart. My soul. I’ve never been the same since he died. And no matter how many times people around me talked about ” when he comes home” and ” just wait until you hold him”.I just couldn’t and wouldn’t allow myself to believe it.
He DID come home though. I am so in love with him. I look at him and I feel so amazingly blessed. Life is so fragile. And until Ethan died…I took alot of things for granted. Took my husband for granted. Took my sons for granted. Took everything I had for granted. Now? I am just grateful. Grateful to have this little guy home. I have felt Ethan so much this past week and a half. Felt him as I hold his little brother. As I rock and whisper to him. I know he is here. And I am grateful to feel him here with me. Grateful. SO very grateful!