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This club November 13, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — haveuseenmysanity @ 9:15am11

I became a part of a very private and elite club almost two-years ago.

There are no initiations.

There are no club fees.

No weekly meetings, per say.

No special talents one most possess to be a part of it.

There are no special songs.

No secret handshakes.

No special member qualifications.

The only thing that makes you a part of this club is that you have had a child die.

No one looks to become a part of this club.

No one even WANTS to be in it once they ARE in it.

When your in…your in. Forever.

I lost my son Ethan in  2008.

I had no idea where to turn or where to go for comfort.

All I knew was that I was…broken. So very broken. And alone.

I reached out to the world-wide web…never thinking for a second that I would find the comfort or understanding that I so desperately needed.

But….

I did.

I found so many things.

Hope.

Love.

Understanding.

Support.

Comfort.

Friendship.

It’s hard to explain these things to someone who has never been through such a loss.

Hard to explain how you can grow to love someone you only know through reading a blog.

Hard to put into words how you can connect with a persons pain and sorrow.

Hard to explain how you can become so intertwined with a family.

My husband and I came back from vacation today.

I went to check the mail…completely prepared to be greeted by the usual bills and junk mail.

Instead I was greeted with a KEY!

A key that told me that someone had sent us a package!!!!

That package held so much more than the person who sent it can even imagine.

Our son Ethan would be turning two on November 18th.

No one speaks his name anymore.

He was here….then gone.

No one will ever know the sadness that fills our hearts every holiday. Every birthday. Each milestone brings with it new pain and new struggles.

Ethan would be riding his bike outside with Crazy#3 .

He would be chasing his brothers down the hall and getting into their toys.

There is only a whisper of where he was. Where he should be.

But….

No one speaks his name anymore. And until you’ve lost a child? You cannot know the pain that brings.

I have a dear, sweet friend I met in this …club.

She sent us a box filled with love.

Filled with comfort.

Filled with understanding.

A birthday card for Ethan’s 2nd birthday.

My husband and I have never seen our sons name written on a birthday card. As we read it together the tears rolled down our cheeks. Amazing how a simple birthday card can mean so much!

We saw his name on a Christmas ornament….it would be his second Christmas this year.

We were sent a blanket…..it is wrapped around the cherry wood box that holds his ashes.

We were sent so many beautiful gifts.

The person who sent them…probably has no idea how much these gifts meant to me…to us…to our family.

This person gave us so much with this gift.

SO much love.

SO much healing.

I love this person….and  I hope she knows that!

In this club……..

no one wants to be in this club.

But I am so very grateful to be a part of it.

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2 Responses to “This club”

  1. Christy Says:

    I know. I wish I didn’t, but I do. We will be thinking of your Ethan this week. A special 2-year-old. WIth some very special friends in heaven. Sending you so many hugs and so much love.
    xoxo

  2. Daniel Says:

    Don’t think for a second that we don’t think of Ethan, even after two years. I think of him every day.


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